"You have got to be fucking kidding me."
Angel sighed and translated the carvings on the wall again. Unfortunately, they remained exactly the same.
"Are you sure that tense is right?"
Ignoring Spike's disbelief, questions and complaints, Angel moved around the walls, tapping on them, seeking a way out.
"Are you going to ignore me forever?"
"According to the wall, forever may only be about twenty more minutes. Now, shut up."
Spike rolled his eyes and stripped off his duster. "I'm not dying here, peaches. Get your kit off."
Looking over his shoulder, Angel shot the pain in his ass a look of complete disbelief. "We're not doing this."
"You think tapping on the walls is suddenly going to make them fall down?" Spike asked snidely, flinging his t-shirt into corner of the bare stone room.
"If we die, we die, but we're not doing this."
"Speak for yourself." Hopping on one foot, Spike pulled off the other boot and tossed it after the t-shirt.
"The wall is quite clear. It takes two," Angel snorted, thumping his fist against the spot where a door had been when they'd entered.
"Remind me to kill Percy when we get out of here." Spike snarled and sent the other boot flying. "You'll find the key in a room in the basement of the abandoned Texaco station at Eighth and Vine," he said, his voice a mincing mockery of the former Watcher's. "Pick it up and bring it back here. Take Spike, in case the demon comes back early." He snarled again and reached for his belt buckle. "I don't see a fucking key, Angel!"
Turning, Angel crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Spike. "I am not planning on seeing you naked, idiot, so stop right there."
"The wall said we have to fuck or die, right?"
"That cliche is as old as...How many times did you actually use that on a drunk girl and it worked?"
"More times than I can count. In this case, death might actually happen, and, as I said, I ain't dying, old man, not now, not in such a stupid way." The belt parted and the zipper went down.
"I'm not fucking you, Spike," Angel snapped, his voice cold and hard, his face set with determination.
Spike grinned evilly. "Okay, I'll fuck you."
"Over my very dusty body!"
"We've wasted five minutes. Not that you ever needed much time, if memory serves."
"Oh, that's good. Insult me."
Spike shimmied his jeans down his legs and snickered as Angel spun around. "Offending your modesty, miss?"
"What did I do to deserve this?" What HAD he done? Rubbing his hand over his face, he groaned in dismay.
"Want me to count off the things?" Holding up one hand, Spike lowered a finger. "Turned me." Another finger. "Took over Wolfram & Hart." A third finger. "Undoubtedly pissed off the Watcher or he wouldn't have sent us here."
"Shut up, Spike!"
"Just trying to be helpful." Shrugging his shoulders, he looked around and frowned. "Could have at least given us a bed."
"We're not doing this!" Angel silently groaned as the aroma of Spike's arousal sent lust through him making him harden. It was just lust. He could control it. He was NOT doing this.
"Oh, come on, it's like falling off a bike."
"I don't know how to ride a bike."
"Horse then. Whatever." Spike's voice took on a sly quality. "You remember how it goes, Angelus, how it always was between us."
"We have souls now." That protest sounded feeble even to him and he stared at the spot where the door had been, trying to force it to reappear.
"And that means we can't get a leg over?" Walking the short distance to his sire, Spike wrapped his arms around him from behind, one hand unerringly finding the bulge in his trousers. "Knew it."
Angel's shoulders heaved, his head fell forward, he groaned...
And Spike found himself on his hands and knees, an angry, horny vampire on top of him.
"I'm going to kill Wesley!" Angel jerked his zipper down and shoved his trousers down his thighs. His cock was hard as a rock and the sight of Spike wiggling his ass just made it throb.
"Gotta survive to do that," Spike grunted then howled as two wet fingers were shoved into him. "Shit!"
"No lube. Darn." He pistoned in a third finger, spreading them into a cone, memories assaulting him of doing this a hundred times.
Lowering his head to his crossed arms, Spike grinned in anticipation. "Lucky I like pain, huh?"
Angel withdrew his fingers and grabbed Spike's hips, pressing the tip of his cock to the tight entrance. "Idiot."
"Was that affection in your voice?"
"This would get done faster if you'd shut up." Angel pressed forward, forcing the tight ring of muscles to part.
"Never gonna happen." Spike hissed in pain and tried to relax.
Angel howled and slammed his hips forward.
If there'd been a bed, they would have shaken it apart.
*****
Angel slapped the key down on Wesley's desk--it had magically appeared at the moment of his orgasm, which had come about ten seconds after Spike's--and glared at his friend.
"Did the demon appear?"
"No."
"Were there problems?"
"Have anything to tell me, Wes?"
Wesley gave him an innocent look and Angel snorted in disbelief. The look faded, and Wesley settled back in his chair, shrugging his shoulders. "We decided that if something didn't change, either you or Spike were going to kill the other."
"We?" Angel choked. It hadn't just been Wesley?
"Um...It was Fred's idea, actually. She has these romantic notions about the two of you..."Wesley's voice trailed off and Angel could see he was debating exit strategies. "Were we wrong?"
Growling for a long moment, Angel thought about it, then cut off the sound with a grunt. "No, but 'fuck or die', Wes? Biggest cliche in our line of work."
"It worked, didn't it?"
"Sometimes I miss the Fred who just drew on her walls," Angel muttered as he turned to leave. "Who would have thought she'd be so evil?" Pondering how things, as usual, had spiraled out of his control, he wandered into his office and came up short. "We didn't die, you can leave now."
Spike snickered and ground his cigarette out in one of Angel's prized gewgaws. "Y'know, the only good thing about a vampire who shoots his wad too soon, is that he can get it up right away again." Angel gaped and Spike headed for the elevator. "Bed this time, mate. My knees need time to recover."
"If you don't watch your mouth, you'll be on your knees a lot," Angel growled as he gave into lust and followed his wicked childe.
"Ooh, giving me ideas!"
Angel cuffed him and shoved him into the elevator. "Idiot." And that time, there was definitely affection in his voice.
End